The King Who Kept the Best for Himself

There was a king named Saul. And once, long ago, his heart was small and humble. Once, on the very day of his crowning, he hid himself among the luggage, feeling far too little to be chosen.

But that was a long time ago now.

One day God gave Saul a clear thing to do, the kind of thing you cannot mishear. "Go," God said. "All the way. Do all of it."

And Saul went. But he did not do all of it.

He did most of it. He did the easy parts, the parts that cost him nothing, the parts everyone would see and clap for. And the very best of what he was meant to give up, the fattest sheep, the strongest cattle, the shiniest treasure, Saul kept. He tucked the best away for himself.

Then he did the thing people do when they have only gone halfway.

He pretended he had gone all the way.

When God's prophet Samuel came walking up the road, Saul called out, bright and cheerful, "I did it! I obeyed!"

But, oh, child. Do you hear that sound?

"Then what," said Samuel, "is that?"

Baaa. Baaa.

The sheep. The very best sheep, the ones Saul was supposed to let go, bleating right there behind him. You cannot hide a sheep behind your back. And you cannot hide a halfway heart either. Not from God. He sees all the way in.

Saul scrambled. "The people saved them," he said. "For an offering! To give to God!" As if a present could cover up a no. As if God wanted his leftovers more than he wanted Saul.

But God did not want Saul's sheep at all. God is not hungry. He owns all the cattle on a thousand hills. What God wanted was Saul himself, his listening and his whole yes, a heart that says yes and means yes, all the way down.

"To obey," said Samuel, "is better than any gift you could carry up the hill."

That day the crown began to slip from Saul's head. God was as kind as he had ever been; it was Saul who had kept his best for himself and called it enough. And it was not enough.

We know this feeling, you and I. We do a little and say, "All done." We give the easy yes and hide the hard one behind our backs. And deep down we are afraid that if anyone saw all the way in, they would not want us anymore.

There would come another King, a King who never kept anything back. When his Father said "all the way," he went all the way. Past the easy parts. Past the parts anyone would clap for. All the way to a hill, and a cross. He held nothing behind his back. He gave the very best, and the very best was himself.

He obeyed all the way, so that you, who only ever go halfway, could be carried all the way home.

And even while the sheep were still bleating on the road, God was already looking toward a little town called Bethlehem, where a shepherd boy stood out in a field, keeping watch over sheep of his own.